Woman Abuse and Child Custody and Access: HOW YOU CAN HELP.

Information for Family Lawyers who work with Immigrant and Refugee Women


HOW WOMAN ABUSE CAN CONTINUE

When women leave abusive relationships, most expect that the abuse will stop. Many however, find that the abuse continues. 

Abusive men often use custody of or access to the children as a way of getting back at the women who leave them.

Some ways they may do this include: 

• Using the Family Courts to maintain or increase their power and control over their children's lives 
• Threatening to take the children out of the country 
• Threatening to have the mother deported without the children
• Telling Children's Aid or their children's daycare or school that their children's mother is a bad or unfit parent because she: 
- Doesn't have a job
- Gave the children a time out
- Goes to school and leaves the baby with a caregiver
- Is Deaf or has a disability
- Has come out as a lesbian
- Limits the amount of time the children spend watching TV
- Makes the children eat their vegetables
- Yells at the children to do their homework, etc.
• Questioning and criticizing the way that their children's mother takes care of the children and using visits with the children to undermine the routines she has established for them.
• Putting down or making derogatory comments about their children's mother in front of the children (E.g. "Your mother is stupid, your mother is fat, your mother is lazy" etc.) 
• Not showing up for visits or showing up only when he feels like it.
• Not returning the children on time or demanding that the mother give him gas money or transit fare to return the children.
• Exposing the children to further violence or gender stereotyping during visits.
• Calling their children's mother to talk about the children and then using the time to harass and demean her or using drop-offs and pick-ups of the children to assault her verbally or physically.


IMMIGRANT AND REFUGEE WOMEN'S EXPERIENCES

Immigrant and refugee women, like other women, feel vulnerable when the abuse they thought they left continues. 

These feelings however, may be exacerbated by:
• Cultural and language barriers
• Fear of having their children taken (kidnapped) to another country
• Fear of being "sent away" (deported) without their children
• Fear that their confidentiality won't be respected, if they seek help
• Fear of the police or legal system
• Lack of interpreters who can sign in a language other than American Sign Language
• Lack of family or friends nearby who can offer support
• Lack of knowledge of programs and services for abused women
• Lack of physical accessibility and accommodation
• Racism, stereotyping, homophobia and ablelism in social and legal services


BREAKING DOWN THE BARRIERS

As a family lawyer there are many ways in which you can break down these barriers. You can:

• Understand the impact of abuse on your client and her children.
She may feel alone and helpless. Her self-esteem may be shattered. Her children may feel anxious and fearful. 

• Take time to develop a trusting relationship.
Your client may not disclose the abuse right away because she is afraid that you will not believe her or minimize her experiences. If you come from her community, she may be worried that you will "discuss her business" with others.

• Empathize with her.
Your client may not know where to turn or what to do. She needs to know that support and help are available and that it is okay to ask for them.

• Answer her questions.
Your client will have lots of questions including:
- Will I lose my children if I leave their father?
- What are my rights under Canadian law?
- What do I do if he cancels his sponsorship?
- What do I do if he tries to deport me without my children?
- What do I do if he tries to take them to another country?
- If he assaults me and serves time in jail, why does he still get to see the children?
- How do I keep myself safe when dropping off/picking up my children from him?
- How do I keep my children safe when they are with him?

"BEST PRACTICES" FOR HELPING IMMIGRANT AND REFUGEE WOMEN

1. Assess your client's English language skills. If your client does not speak English or speak English well give her what written information is available in her language; provide a cultural interpreter or, with your client's consent, ask a service provider from a settlement service, shelter or violence against women program to interpret for her.

Do not use her children as interpreters.

If your client is Deaf and does not sign in American Sign Language, use a Deaf interpreter who can sign in her language.

2. Develop working relationships with counselor/advocates in different immigrant and refugee communities that you can consult with and refer clients to for practical and moral support. Encourage your clients to seek help for her children. Tell them about programs for "children exposed to violence."
If a client is reluctant to talk with a counselor/advocate encourage her to call an Assaulted Women's Help Line or Distress Center.

3. Ensure that a "comprehensive risk assessment" by a woman abuse expert is completed to determine the degree to which your client and her children are at risk of further harm. Follow the results of the assessment and seek orders to protect your client and her children.

4. Explain your role and responsibilities as her lawyer. Discuss the following at your first meeting: 
• Confidentiality
• Your education and experience
• Your fees (if she is not on a legal aid certificate)
• Your policy around phone calls
• Involvement, roles and responsibility of other helping professionals, if any 
• Amount of time you think her case will take

5. Explain all of your client's legal options to her including:
• Laying Criminal Charges 
• Getting A Restraining Order 
• Starting a Court Application
• Sole vs. Joint Custody 
• Limiting and structuring access
• Division of Property
• Spousal Support 

6. Give your client a list of documents, evidence and information etc. that she will need to bring to future meetings with you including: 
• Diaries or journals that document dates and times of abusive incidents 
• Financial records (E.g. Cancelled cheques, pay stubs, bills, banking records etc.) that show excessive financial control
• Medical and police reports
• Photographs 
• Records of their involvement in her children's lives (E.g. date books showing her participation in parenting programs, parent-teacher interviews, school events, etc.) 
• Telephone logs that document harassing phone calls or "hang-ups."
• Third party statements

7. If your client has immigration issues, refer her to an immigration lawyer who understands woman abuse and has worked with woman abuse survivors. Work closely with the immigration lawyer.

8. If your client is afraid that her husband may take her children out of the country or the province, order "restriction on identification, " and a "a restriction on travel." 

9. Include explanations in affidavits of any cultural or religious practices that may have a bearing on court proceedings. Women in some communities, for example, will not say, "I know" but "I believe" because in their faith only God can know. If a woman says, "I believe" without an explanation, she leaves herself open to being challenged.

10. Let your client know what to expect once they are in Family Court. Many families, for example, may be asked undergo mediation and develop parenting plans. Explain what these are and that they should not be used when abuse is present and that she has a right to refuse them. 

11. Prepare your client for court. Let her know where she can get "court clothes". Let her know what questions may be asked. Help her to practice answering them and to present her request to the judge.
If your client does not speak English or speak English well and needs an interpreter, provide a cultural interpreter or, with her consent, ask a service provider from a settlement service, shelter or violence against women program to interpret for her. 

12. Use expert witnesses who can speak to the impact of abuse on your client and her children.

For Further Information, Contact:

Community Information Toronto
(416) 397-4636
TTY (416) 392-3778

Education Wife Assault 
(416) 968-3422

Parkdale Community 
Legal Services
(416) 531-2411

Woman Abuse Council of Toronto
(416) 944-9242

For Cultural Interpreters, Contact:

Barbra Schlifer Commemorative Clinic Cultural Interpreters Program
(416) 323-9762

For Deaf and ASL Interpreters, Contact:
Ontario Interpreters Services (416) 928-2521

For Court Clothes:
Windfall (416) 703-8435