Woman Abuse and Child Custody and Access: HOW YOU CAN HELP.
Information for Counsellor-Advocates who work with Immigrant and Refugee Women
HOW WOMAN ABUSE CAN CONTINUE
When women leave abusive relationships, most expect that the abuse will stop. Many however, find that the abuse continues.
Abusive men often use the children as a way of getting back at the women who leave them.
Some ways they may do this include:
• Using the Family Courts to maintain or increase their power and control over the
children's lives
• Threatening to take the children out of the country or province
• Threatening to have the mother deported without the children
• Telling Children's Aid or their children's daycare or school that their children's mother is a
bad or
unfit parent because she:
- Doesn't have a job
- Gave the children a time out
- Goes to school and leaves the baby with a caregiver
- Is Deaf or has a disability
- Has come out as a lesbian
- Limits the amount of time the children spend watching TV
- Makes the children eat their vegetables
- Yells at the children to do their
homework, etc.
• Questioning and criticizing the way that their children's mother takes care of the children and
using visits with the children to undermine the routines she has established for them.
• Putting down or making derogatory comments about their children's mother in front of
the children (E.g. "Your mother is stupid, your mother is fat, your mother is lazy" etc.)
• Not showing up for visits or showing up only when he feels like it.
• Not returning the children on time or demanding that the mother give him gas money or transit
fare to return the children.
• Exposing the children to further violence or gender stereotyping during visits.
• Calling their children's mother to talk about the children and then using the time to harass
and demean her or using drop-offs and pick-ups of the children to assault her verbally or
physically.
IMMIGRANT AND REFUGEE WOMEN'S EXPERIENCES
Like other women, the women you work with feel vulnerable when the abuse they thought they left continues. These feelings however, may be exacerbated by:
• Cultural and language barriers
• Fear of having their children taken (kidnapped) to another country
• Fear of being "sent away" (deported) without their children
• Fear that their confidentiality won't be respected, if they seek help
• Fear of the police and/or the legal system
• Isolation
• Lack of interpreters who can sign in a language other than American Sign Language
• Lack of family or friends nearby who can offer support
• Lack of knowledge of programs and services for abused women
• Lack of physical accessibility and accommodation
• Racism, stereotyping, homophobia and ableism in social and legal services
BREAKING DOWN THE BARRIERS
As a Counselor-Advocate you can help break down some of these barriers by:
• Letting women know that they are not alone and that many men use custody and access to
punish the women that leave them
• Making plain language or multilingual information about family and immigration law available in
your office.The EWA Brochure, "Child Custody and Access: Questions and Answers"
provides answers to questions immigrant and refugee women frequently have about family law.
(You may also find it helpful.)
• Providing the women with a "space" (E.g. workshop, support group, counseling session etc.)
where they can talk about child custody and access issues
• Supporting women in their choices. Not all women who leave abusive relationships choose to
• It is important for women to know the benefits and risks of using or not using the legal system.
"BEST PRACTICES" FOR HELPING IMMIGRANT AND REFUGEE WOMEN
1. Screen any family lawyers you refer women to for:
• Cultural sensitivity
• Experience working with immigrant and refugee women
• Training and expertise in woman abuse and children's exposure to violence.
2. Provide cultural interpretation or arrange to have a cultural interpretation present for lawyer's
meetings and family court. If she is Deaf, arrange for Deaf Interpreter.
3. Provide information on legal aid. If the women you work with don't speak English or speak English well, Legal Aid may in some communities, provide a Cultural Interpreter. Call and ask about it. If it is available, book an appointment.
4. Listen to women's stories. Help them to communicate with their lawyers about what has happened to them and how they plan to continue caring for their children. Help women to explain their cultural or religious background to their lawyers.
5. Let women know that while it is difficult to predict the outcome of child custody and access proceedings but that they should still ask for what they want. If a woman wants sole custody with no access, for example, she should ask for it.
6. Make sure that a "comprehensive risk assessment" by a qualified woman abuse expert is
completed. This will determine the degree to which she and her child are at risk of harm and help.
7. Help women to collect and organize evidence including:
• Medical and police reports.
• Letters or notes from family, friends and neighbors, daycare providers and teachers, in English
or their language that about what she does for her children. E.g. listening to their problems,
helping them to make friends at a new school, encouraging them to do their best at an activity.
• Journals or diaries of things they do with children. E.g. going to parent teacher interviews,
helping their children with their homework, taking their children to heritage language classes,
music classes, team practices etc.
• Documentation with dates, times and descriptions of any ongoing abusive behavior from their
former partners. E.g. anytime their former partners have called threatening to take the children
out of the country.
8. Help women to identify key pieces of information they will need to share with their lawyers
and/or in Family Court.A judge, for example, may not be concerned that a father drinks in front of the children. She or he may, however, be very concerned if told that the father leaves the children alone to go to the liquor store.
9. Encourage the women you work with to find ways to take care of themselves. E.g. listening to music, joining a support group, exercising etc.
10. Encourage women to seek help for their children. Provide information on programs for "children exposed to violence."
11. Continue helping women to safety plan, especially when they are dropping off or picking up their children from visits with their father.
12. Accompany women to Family Court.
IMMIGRATION: SOME FACTS
If the women that you work with are concerned about their immigration or refugee status, contact an immigration lawyer or a community legal worker on their behalf.
Depending on a woman's situation, she and children may be able to stay in Canada under "humanitarian and compassionate" grounds but this may take some time and effort on her part.
Make sure that any immigration lawyer or community legal worker you contact has experience with "woman abuse," so that she gets the best representation possible.
Ensure that her family lawyer and her immigration lawyer communicate with one another and work together.
WHERE TO FIND HELP:
Crisis
Assaulted Women's Helpline (416) 863-0511 TTY (416) 864-8762
Rape Crisis Centre/Multicultural (416) 597-8808
Women Against Rape TTY(416) 597-1214
Information and Referral
Canadian Centre for Victims of Torture (416) 363-1066
Community Legal Information Ontario (416) 408-4420
Education Wife Assault (416) 968-3422 TTY (416) 968-3722
Refugees and Immigrants Information Centre, Toronto (416) 961-7027
Woman Abuse Council (416) 944-9242
Legal Help
Barbra Schlifer Commomorative Clinic (416) 323-9149
Foreign Affairs, Canada, 1-800-267-6788
Missing Children Program (613) 993-1525
Lawyer Referral Service 1-800-268-8326
Legal Aid Ontario (416) 979-1447 TTY: ****
Ontario Family Responsibility Office 1-800-267-4330
Parkdale Community Legal Clinic (416) 531-2411
The Office of the Children's Lawyer (416) 314-8000
Windfall (for Court Clothes) (416) 703-8435