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You may be becoming or already are a victim of abuse if you:
- Feel like you have to "walk on eggshells" to keep him from getting angry and are frightened by his temper.
- Feel you can't live without him.
- Stop seeing other friends or family, or give up activities you enjoy because he doesn't like them.
- Are afraid to tell him your worries and feelings about the relationship.
- Are often compliant because you are afraid to hurt his feelings; and have the urge to "rescue" him when he is troubled.
- Feel that you are the only one who can help him and that you should try to "reform" him.
- Find yourself apologizing to yourself or others for your partner's behaviour when you are treated badly.
- Stop expressing opinions if he doesn't agree with them.
- Stay because you feel he will kill himself if you leave.
- Believe that his jealousy is a sign of love.
- Have been kicked, hit, shoved, or had things thrown at you by him when he was jealous or angry.
- Believe the critical things he says to make you feel bad about yourself.
- Believe that there is something wrong with you if you don't enjoy the sexual things he makes you do.
- Believe in the traditional ideas of what a man and a woman should be and do -- that the man makes the decisions and the woman pleases him.
- (some people) Have been abused as a child or seen your mother abused.
If you are abused:
- You are not alone and you are not to blame. You cannot control his violence. There are ways you can make yourself safer:
- Call the police if you have been assaulted. Charging abusive males is a necessary step in reducing physical violence.
- Tell someone and keep a record of all incidents for evidence.
- Write down the details for yourself as soon as possible after the assault. Keep it in a safe place where he won't find it.
- Develop a safety plan. Memorize emergency numbers. Keep spare house and car keys handy. Know where you can stay in an emergency.
- Consider ending the relationship as soon as possible. Without intervention, his violence will increase in frequency and severity as time passes.
- Recognize that no one has the right to control you and that it is everyone's human right to live without fear.
Look out for men who:
- Do not listen to you, ignore you or talk over you.
- Sit or stand too close to you, making you uncomfortable and seem to enjoy it.
- Do only what they want or push you to get what they want.
- Express anger and violence towards women either through words or physically.
- Have a bad attitude toward women.
- Are overly possessive or jealous.
- Drink or use drugs heavily.
- Have a reputation for "scoring".
Need Help Now?Sources:
- Adapted from information from Interval House, Hamilton, Ontario
- North York Public Health Department
For Men to Think About |
For Teens to Think About |
