Elder Abuse: South Asian Women Speak Up

Many factors that contribute to abuse of older persons in immigrant communities occur in the mainstream population as well, but New Canadian seniors are vulnerable in unique ways. For example, many seniors who have been sponsored by their families do not have savings or a pension when they come to Canada, making them financially dependent on their sponsors. Language barriers and social isolation because of weather, geographical distances, unfamiliarity with surroundings, or physical limitations can also be factors.

At the South Asian Women’s Centre (SAWC) in Toronto, a group of active older women meet regularly. I work with Shaista Thanvi, the coordinator of the seniors’ program, on an information program about abuse of older people. Because of our roots, we know that South Asian communities still have an ostrich-like approach to the subject of family violence, so we gave our program an innocuous title—The Generation Gap—that would allow us to cover pertinent issues without alarming or offending anybody.

One day, we were at our friend’s house and we saw her daughter treat her cruelly.

Using the title theme, we asked "What is the difference in the attitude and behaviour of teenagers today from when you were teenagers?" The participants unanimously answered that teenagers today "don’t respect their elders." While discussing this, a participant said that when she was growing up she kept her eyes lowered with respect when her father was talking to her; however, today’s children not only "back answer," but some even hit their parents. Seizing the opportunity to introduce the topic of abuse of older people, I asked if they knew any adults who hurt their parents. At first, no one answered. But then one of the women related the following incident:

"There is a woman in my neighbourhood. Both of us are from Africa. We used to meet every day for years but she never told us what her daughter did. One day … we were at her house and we saw her daughter treat her cruelly.… You know what she used to give her to eat? You know mixed vegetables? She would boil them in water and just give her the mush. But she [the mother] was such a good woman she never said anything to us…. In Africa, we saw daughters-in-law doing it, but here even daughters do it."

One participant responded that her daughter-in-law is good to her because she, herself, treats her daughter-in-law with love and respect, and one reaps what one sows. This made it difficult to continue the discussion because of the unspoken implications for women who do not have good relationships with their daughters-in-law.

The power dynamics between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law sometimes result in acrimony.

Yet this is an important issue. Unlike many other communities, which have nuclear families and seniors who live on their own, many South Asians continue to live in extended families, and the power dynamics of the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship sometimes result in acrimony and may escalate into abuse. During a later session, Shaista and I plan to return to this issue by showing vignettes from popular Hindi movies such as Baghban or Sau Din Saas Ke, which deal with this issue and may provide a springboard for discussion.

Reviving the discussion we were having, I asked why older people did not talk about abuse, not just to the authorities, but to friends or their doctors. The most vociferous response was sharam: shame. Many older South Asian women are reluctant to dishonour their families by discussing family matters with outsiders. Fears of being shunned by their community, or of retaliation, are other obvious barriers to disclosure. As the following reveals, there are many layers to this issue:

	A:	Our life is almost over now. Besides, it is our fate how our children [and their spouses] treat
	B:	Even if we tell, who will
	FD:	Someone will help, but you have to speak
	C:	Who will help if you don’t know English?
	FD:	There are South Asian interpreters available who speak our languages.
	C:	Yes, but then they will talk about it in 50 places.
	D:	Some people get into the habit of beating and no matter where they go, they will not change. You can get an alcoholic to stop drinking, but only God can change a beater

We ended the session by talking about the importance of speaking up about traditionally taboo subjects like family abuse. One participant, who arrived in Canada 23 years ago, said that when she came here there were no associations where South Asian women could go for advice, information, or support, but now there are several because people approached the government. Another added, "It is the child who cries that gets the mother’s milk."

Asked why older people do not talk about abuse, the women said sharam: shame.

COSTI Immigrant Services coordinates the federal government’s Family Violence Initiative (FVI) in the Greater Toronto Area (GTA). Canadian Heritage’s Multiculturalism Program is one of several partners in FVI, which is aimed at reducing violence against women, children, and older persons. The program works with community-based agencies and ethnic media to deliver messages about family-violence prevention to ethnic and visible-minority communities, particularly those that are not conversant in English or French. In GTA, FVI targets eight ethno-linguistic communities: Arabic, Farsi, Punjabi, Russian, Spanish, Somali, Tamil, and Vietnamese. In the next three years, the project will expand to ethnic communities in Hamilton, Windsor, and Kitchener.

The film Baghban (Gardener-2003) was directed by Ravi Chopra and Sau Din Saas Ke (Hundred Days of Mother-in-Law-1980) directed by Vijay Sadana. Both videos can be found in many video and DVD stores that have a good stock of Indian films.

Please contact EWA for a complete hard copy:
publications@womanabuseprevention.com
Telephone: 416.968.3422 x21