In addition to these questions, the women also responded to a written questionnaire. The following are some of the results:

• 89% of the participants described themselves as economically comfortable during their marriage while 84% of the participants described themselves as low income after their separation.
• 88% of the participants stated that their children had been in the home while the abuse was occurring.
• 79% stated their children had been directly abused by their ex-partners.
• In almost all of the participant's responses, the motivation to finally leave the abusive relationship was centered on the well being of their children.
• The average length of time to resolve the custody and access disputes was 3.5 years.
• Some spent as long as 6.5 years and others are still unresolved after that length of time.
• Participants typically attended court 5-10 times with a range between 1-23 times. On average participants appeared before 4 judges.
• The participants collectively spent $550,000 on legal proceedings (not including the cost for 9 participants on legal aid).
• 74% of the participants were awarded sole custody with access (unsupervised) by their ex-partners. 20% were awarded joint custody with their abusive ex-partners.
• Only 6% of the participants indicated supervised access had been ordered. One participant had to provide the supervised access herself.
• For 2 participants, their abusive ex-partners had custody of the children.

Throughout the focus groups, three themes were dominant: credibility, accountability and revictimization.

Credibility

As is most often the case, many participants had little, if any, "evidence" to prove their claim of woman abuse. Without documentation, most of the participants felt the burden of proof rested on their shoulders, leaving them in a battle of "he said, she said".

"When you're going through abuse you cover up from your family and friends. You become isolated. You may still see them sometimes but emotionally you're not connected anymore because you don't want them to find out what's happening."

"I think that's why we get into trouble in the legal system because they present the nice side of themselves (Jeckel/Hyde) and the lawyers are afraid to attack them because they might very well be a nice person and that the woman is making it all up for revenge. It takes another year to find out that 'yes' this guy is really corrupted (and was before)...but now the rest of the family is bankrupt and emotional basket cases."

Participants described many instances when ex-partners used access visits to continue to control and undermine the mother and make life unpredictable for her and the children. Examples include unannounced visits, returning children very early or late, forcing children to go on visits when they didn't want to, being drunk or stoned on access visits, not allowing children to call their mothers, etc. Some reported that their children disclosed abuse after the separation but women found themselves in a 'catch 22' position, fearing that if they disclosed the abuse they would be seen as an "unfriendly parent" but that if they didn't, they could be charged with "failure to protect".

Lack of Accountability

Many participants recounted endless stories of violated agreements with their ex-partners and legal professionals. Most women felt that there are few, if any, avenues in place to hold all parties accountable for their commitments. Women expressed frustration that ex-partners were allowed to continue controlling behaviour and to use legal and custody battles as a method of ongoing harassment.

"Once my son informed his father that he had a soccer game and could not go with him that weekend but could go with him the following Thursday. His father came through the front door and took everything that belonged to my son and threw it from his house. All his games, all his toys, all his clothing...(He smashed) his aquarium. He got into his car and left. On his way home, he called the police and said that I had assaulted him."

"My ex acts as his own lawyer, which means my children and myself have to be interrogated by this man. I'm being subjected all over again by this man, and it's wrong. I don't think an abusive man has a right to interrogate me at a court trial while I have to be in my best place and he knows exactly what buttons to push."

Revictimization

Leaving an abusive relationship demands that a woman use all of the emotional and financial resources available to her. Despite this draining process, most participants felt "the system" was relentless, facilitating an extension of the abuse, but in a different, seemingly legitimate form.

"You think this is the day you're going to court. You're actually going to get something done. And they keep you in the hall and pressure you and pressure you. They want to go in with it already sorted out."

"Now he was a man (her husband) out of work himself so he got Legal Aid while I had a job, so there you go. That's how he was killing me...He went into court to fight me on a custody trial and it's $25,000 and that's it. And you pay or you lose your kid. So we did all that horrible stuff. I have to say this, the system abused me more than my husband did. He was so brilliant knowing all those little loop holes and I had some poor legal counsel, so..."

The Focus Group participants recommended:

That if abuse is disclosed:

• An immediate abuse assessment be undertaken by an abuse expert to establish the validity of her claim.
• If the likelihood of abuse has been established, then an immediate risk assessment be done to assure the joint safety and security of the mother and her children.

This can be accomplished by the implementation of the following steps:

• Automatic removal of all weapons and licenses.
• Automatic supervised access or no access at all if children do not feel safe/comfortable.
• Automatic sole custody to the mother.
• Automatic referral of the abusive man to a specialized counselling program that deals with both abuse issues and parenting concerns. This should occur prior to access to the children.
• Establish a process to assess the indicators of effective change that an abusive man would have to demonstrate prior to a change in access. Evaluating changes made by the man should be done in consultation with the woman abuse survivor.
• Form a partnership between woman abuse survivors and key service providers in Durham Region to develop a woman's resource centre dealing specifically with custody and access issues. Such a center could provide all of the information, support/resources that a woman and her children might need to effectively deal with the   issues raised.

In Conclusion:

The author marvels at the collective and individual strength of the women who participated in the focus groups. These women manage to advocate on their children's behalf, hold their jobs, and run their homes, while still coping with abusive ex-partners and the emotional and financial stress of a custody and access battle.

These findings are being presented at a two-day working conference entitled "Steps for Change". Key professionals and focus group participants will collaborate to design more comprehensive and effective responses to woman abuse survivors, their children and their partners.